FREE for all of you!! The infamous shadow work compendium!!! Please pay attention to this and do the exercises. It will help you more than you will ever comprehend at this moment. Be honest, be rigorously honest with yourself. Then spend some time and work on this. Your friends, spouses, loved ones and colleagues will be grateful but most of all you will feel a sense of wholeness unlike ever before.

Copyright by: Kirsten Sandefur

What is your shadow?

 We all have biological needs, right? Food,
Safety, comfort and belonging are the most obvious ones. Well as children when we were scolded for certain behaviors or admonished for expressing parts of ourselves that didn't  fit into conventional customs or practices and those scoldings or punishments for acting in that manner threatened one of our basic needs. Maybe being scolded at home threatened our safety at home, or being reprimanded or laughed at in school threatened our sense of belonging. We therefore adjusted our behavior to gratify our needs and those parts of us that we were scolded for were put in a box and locked away. They never disappear though, they are very much a part of you and they comprise who you really are. Children accumulate that box of that un-accepted or discouraged parts and drag it around behind them but it is only out of view, it is still part of our subconscious.  When we deny any part of ourselves, we disown it but what we don't really consciously acknowledge is that it will turn against us if we continue to ignore it.  The shadow can operate completely on its own, with or without your consent. This is why we say things we don't mean when we are angry, why we say one thing but our body says something else entirely, we do things we wouldn't normally do and we let this seep in to affect our relationships and friendships. Whatever you ignore in yourself will show up in someone else, it's called projection. What we ignore we will project onto others because our ego uses it as a defense mechanism. These psychological distortions will distort your reality and give us a slanted view of who we really are. You want to know yourself completely, right? Sure you do, otherwise you wouldn't be reading this right now! Kudos to you for deciding to do this work. No one likes to discuss their flaws or insecurities but it is imperative if you want to heal yourself, be honest with yourself, love yourself and also love others wholeheartedly.

You are showing up for yourself  in this beautiful confident way and loving all of yourself, leaving no stone unturned. That deserves applause. You are far more courageous than most, who are content to leave the shadow buried. You know better, you understand that burying it will only cause it to rear its head in some other area of your life. You are shining light into the darkest corners of your psyche and looking for metaphorical monsters.  

You are a warrior of the  psyche and that’s epic! This will enable you to co create your own story, where you are the hero around which the narrative collides and unfurls. You are taking charge. 

No matter whether you sit down to conquer this all in one day or in short bursts, please make sure to finish it all. Establish a rhythm and set a date to finish it. 

Lean into this work and find a rhythym that feels effective to you.

I want you to please ground yourself before you begin. Clear your mind.I find chanting the mantra OM 30x is the most helpful. I also encourage you to be rigorously honest with yourself here.

Above all, remember that the time you spend  doing shadow work is a sacred gift to yourself  but also to the people in your life – everyone you  come across benefits from your sincere dedication to your personal development. Also, it will help you grow leaps and bounds in your own work and release fears and inhibitions you have suffered with your whole life.

PREPARE TO CHANGE YOUR LIFE

When doing shadow work, a big part of the  journey is recognising those issues which get you upset or anxious or even  raise your blood pressure and make you feel  crappy. Identifying those things gives you the  power to begin working at the root of them. You can work to understand where certain fears,  complexes or negative behaviours originally came  from. Comprehending their genesis leads you to  see why they hold so much power over you and in your life now and how they keep making trouble for you! Some of your shadow material came from your childhood, it does for most people. It came from your family dynamics,  the parenting and guidance that you received from adults or your relationships with siblings.  Some came from key experiences which defined your response to the world around you. This could have been a death in the family, an  accident, some shocking news, an illness or an experience of bullying or abuse. Just as many seemingly small, uneventful things may have been absorbed into your psyche at a deep level and  ended up influencing your decisions or thoughts later in life. Shadow working helps you to see where your somatic injuries and complexes got their foothold in your psyche. This allows you to see the warning signs that accompany unwanted behavior.  Arming yourself with information about those warning signs means that you can accompany yourself into the tough times and understand how to help  yourself cope. As always remember, your shadow is a part of you. Love it as you do any portion of yourself.  Before you begin,  practice gratitude and thank your shadow. This is imperative for protection and healing your shadow.

1.How judged do you tend to feel on a daily basis? Explore how  much of that perceived judgement is real and how much is  imagined.

2. Take a look at the best and most enjoyable aspect of your life right now. What is your underlying fear in that area and why?  (for example if you love being with your significant other, what fear is just below the surface when it comes to loving your significant other, maybe it might be that they will cheat on you or leave you.

3. Write about the last time you tried to manipulate a situation to your advantage and examine how you feel about that in hindsight. 

4. Describe a scenario in which you feel that competition could be healthy and productive. Then describe a scenario in which competition could be toxic and unproductive. Finally, write about your emotional response to this exercise

5. What does it feel like to have your emotions belittled or  downplayed? Be as descriptive as possible and try writing about  specific examples from your own life too. 

6. Pinpoint something that's really frustrating/upsetting you at  the moment. Then send it unconditional love.

7. Write about the last time you ran away from your responsibilities. Consider why you did that and what the results were.

8. How can you begin to give other people more space and acceptance to be themselves around you? 

9. Do you expect others to conform to your beliefs? Why do you feel you need to have them conform and what scares you the most about allowing others to have their own beliefs in that particular area. 

10. What does the term "Superiority Complex" mean to you, and why? 

11. If you could say just one thing to the person who's hurt you the most right now, what would it be and why?  

12. If you could say just one thing to the person who's hurt you the most right now, what would it be and why? 

13. What does the word "punishment'' make you think of right now and why? 

14. Write about the different ways in which people have  expressed their anger or resentment in front of you over the last few months. What do you notice about their different modes of expression for these emotions? 

15. What's the one thing you know you need to do but keep avoiding? Write it down. Then write a step-by-step description of actually doing it. Include every action which would need to be involved in order to get it done. At the end of the exercise, explore how you feel.

16. When was the last time you witnessed distinctly self destructive behaviour? This can be something you have seen in yourself or in someone else. Describe it and the emotions it brought up for you at the time.

17. What was the last cruel thing you wanted to say to someone in order to make them feel bad about themselves or their actions?  Write it down and then explore your feelings about it. 

18. Whereabouts do you currently feel isolated and how are you dealing with that emotion? 

19. What aversion could I benefit from confronting? List at least three and describe what it would be like to confront them.

20. Describe a person you have strong negative reactions to and why. Then cross their name out and write your own and ask yourself what I am feeling that is similar. Why am I feeling this?

21. What do you currently envy in someone else's life and why?  

22. What am I truly afraid of and why? Trace the origin back to where the initial fears started. (For example, if you fear death, try to recall when this fear started. Was it someone passing away, did you hear an adult speak about it, did you hear about it in a religious institution?) Write what exactly this fear does to you and how have you benefitted or been disabled by this fear?

23. Which emotion do you tend to deal with in unhelpful/destructive ways? Write about the way you usually  deal with this troublesome emotion. Then write about what your life might be like if you dealt with it differently. 

24. Close your eyes. Take 4 cleansing breaths,( in for 4 seconds, hold at the top for 4 seconds, out for 4 seconds, hold at the bottom for 4 seconds) then repeat 3 more times. Clear your mind. Envision your inner child. Go and speak to her about what she wants to tell you. Write down what she says. 

25. Write about the biggest loss you have experienced this year.